


Gay Hunt

by RomanEmpress



Category: Ghost Hunt
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 10:45:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16973133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanEmpress/pseuds/RomanEmpress
Summary: The Ghost Hunt Gang have to solve the mystery of a ghost haunting a boy band called The Hunted. The best way to get the ghost? Going undercover.Note: this is a CRACK fic, that has plenty of language and is very gay. If you don’t like it, don’t read. If you do like that sh*t, buckle up.





	Gay Hunt

Gay Hunt

 

"Let's take it!" Mai exclaimed. 

"No," Naru responded. Did Kazuya Shibuya, Naru for short, really deny a case? You bet your ass he did. 

"But dude, it's an awesome case! Music is involved!" Takigawa stated, trying to sway the opinion of his boss. 

The case in question was rather interesting. You see, a famous band, The Hunted, started noticing strange occurrences around them. Sometimes, during practice, instruments would start moving, as if being played by an unknown apparatus. The real kicker is that it was one melody repeated over and over again. That didn't seem particularly dangerous, no need for an investigation, right? It wasn't, until the stage lights fell, almost killing the lead singer in the middle of a performance. It wasn't, until the lead guitarist ended up in a coma due to an electrical shock that occurred while plugging his instrument into an amp. It wasn't, until a piano rolled down the steps and crushing the pianist, now wheelchair bound. 

"Do I look the type to enjoy music to you, Takigawa?" Naru asked, his face blank, per usual.

"Nope, but it's never to late to start!" Takigawa replied, with his usual optimism. 

"Naru, they offered to pay us three times the amount of money as our usual jobs," Mai said in a last ditch attempt to persuade the man with a stick up his ass.

"Mai, we do not need the money," he said, sounding firm in his decision. 

"But Naru, that amount of money means we can order a lot more tea'" she rebutted, using her best rendition of the 'puppy dog look'. Surely he couldn't turn a look like that down, she was sure of it. She was cute after all, and she knew Naru would crumble.

In actuality, Naru thought Mai looked constipated, and considered using a portion of the money on a laxative. The poor girl looked in pain. However, he really couldn't say no to tea. They could even afford to buy the luxury brand he rarely indulged in. 

"I suppose we could take this case, if it means tea money," he agreed, with a sigh. 

Takigawa yelled in excitement, and Mai squealed. They both thought this would be awesome. 

 

\----------------------------

This was, in fact, not awesome in the slightest. Naru really regretted this decision the moment he found out that The Hunters was a boy band. You would think that they would at least play hard rock with a name like that, but no. It was a poppy boy band, something that Naru despised with his every being.

In the beginning, he intended for Takigawa, Mai, Ayako, Masako, and John to take the members places. They had to work undercover, and these members of the team were the most musically inclined, or the most excitable. However, they couldn't very well have a boy band that consisted of females. This resulted in a problem.

Obviously, Takigawa and John would be automatically in the band. Takigawa was a musician, so he was the obvious choice. John 'the cinnamon roll' Brown was obvious as well, because what girl could resist his charm. He was also a great rapper and could spit fire if he tried hard enough. The third could be Yasuhara. He obviously needed a makeover, but he was great at remembering facts, so surely he could remember some lyrical? Naru wasn't sure, but he needed five men, and he surely did not want on that damn stage. They only filled three spaces though, so what was he to do? Lin! He really didn't think Lin would be up for it, but he was great with keyboards, so surely he could play one on stage? 

There was still one spot left. Shit. Naru really had to agree to the damn money, didn't he? Was tea really important enough to embarrass himself in front of millions? Of course it was! So, with a sigh of despair, he found himself as the only option to being the fifth member. 

The plan was quite simple, they had to act as the Hunters until they could find out what was going on, and how to stop it.

"Okay, people. We need to figure out how and what is exactly going on here. In order to do that, we will be going incognito," Naru explained to the team, as they arrived at the venue the band had used for rehearsals.

"Incognito, huh? What undercover stuff will we be doing? If it's relationship stuff, I call going undercovers with Naru," Masako said immediately. Mai growled. That cunt really thought she could steal Naru. Well, that wouldn't work, Mai thought, because Naru was hers. She saw the way he looked at her earlier, he even fell for her puppy dog eyes. 

"The plan is to pose as a band," Naru replied. "Now, a thing to note is that we will be undercover as a boy band."

"A boy band? I guess I won't get my shot in the spotlight after all," Ayako said in sorrow. 

"The band will be composed of Takigawa," Naru started. Takigawa whooped in excitement. 

"John," he continued. John smiled his cute ass smile. Naru knew that was definitely going to work. 

"Yasuhara, you will also be a part of this," Naru listed. Yasuhara looked a bit shocked, then pleased? Why would he be excited about this?

"Dude, yes! I've always wanted to be a musician! I always Sing!" Yasuhara exclaimed.

"Yasu, you sing?" Mai asked. 

"Hell yes I do! You should hear my cover of the My Little Pony theme song! It brought my mom to tears," he stated proudly. 

"Oh, I bet she did cry at that," Lin responded dryly. Tears of disappointment that she had such a gay child, Lin thought.

"Lin-"

"No. Absolutely not," Lin interrupted. 

"Lin, you have to. We only have five men. It's an order," Naru said, no room for argument. Lin sighed, suddenly thinking of quitting his job. 

 

"Yeah! Besides Lin, you said you love Keyboards! You definitely can play the piano thing," Yasuhara chimed in excitedly. Lin blushed and looked away. Surely they couldn't have known about him? About his keyboard? They would never find out, Lin thought solemnly. 

"Of course, that leaves only myself as the final member. While I absolutely loathe this case, we will ultimately get to the bottom of this," Naru finished. 

"Alright Ghost Hunters! Time to hunt a ghost and wow a crowd!" Mai exclaimed excitedly.

——————————-

 

The moment he suggested that they start practicing, Naru knew that he had fucked up in taking this job. 

Takigawa and John were fine, but it was the rest of them that needed work. 

First of, Yasufuckinghara, decided that they needed to harmonize the entire song. For Takigawa, that was no problem. For John, it came naturally. Even Lin was a quick learner. Naru though, Naru was good at literally everything except singing. 

After deciding to cover a song by a British boy band, they decided that they should really fucking work on this band thing because if they couldn't convince themselves that it could work, there was no fucking way that they could convince a ghost. 

So, they decided who should be who. Takigawa would be the Daddy Direction of the group. He usually had the most solos, and Takigawa was the best singer by far. John could be the Irish dude, because they were both cute and blonde, and in the parts that was his, he could freestyle. Lin, he was the next best, shockingly enough. He could be the one with cliff hair, because he left the group halfway through, and Lin really looked like he didn't wanna be here right now. Naru was even salty that Zayn left, and he fucking hated boy bands. That hoe wasn't loyal. Now, Yasuhara could be the curly headed dude, because if any of those damn British fuckbois was as big of a Brony as Yasu, it was the gay ass curly haired kid. 

That left Naru to be the one that hardly had any solos. An under appreciated mouse looking dude, that was perfect for him, he thought. 

With the parts decided and the song picked out, it went by without a hitch.

Daddy Tak was dominating the main parts of the song. Lin secretly had the voice of an angel, harmonizing well with Takigawa. John was spitting fire hotter than hell, which was ironic for an exorcist. Naru pretended he was singing, and it was working beautifully.

Then Yasuhara decided to go off. He started singing Call Me Maybe in the background. Everyone stopped and just looked at him.

"Where you think you're going baby?" He sang at the top of his lungs. 

"He ran the fuck away. What are you doing, Yasuhara?" Lin asked him.

"I'm making perfection, that's what. Haven't you heard of mashups?" Yasuhara defended himself. 

"What the hell? No, it sounds like gibberish," Lin said immediately. 

"Wait, he may be on to something," John told them, his mind in overdrive.

"Yeah, Daddy D here, thinks so too," Takigawa said. 

"Never call yourself Daddy D again," Lin told him with a grimace. "It makes you sound like a low-class male stripper."

"Anyways, how about a mashup between this song and Dynamite?" John asked. He actually thought about this, Naru thought. Bless his little soul.

In the end, it actually worked. Yasuhara, despite being a gay motherfucker that still wanted to sing Call Me Maybe, had a decent voice. 

John made a natural Taio Cruz. Naru thought this could actually work. 

 

\----------------------

After a long day of practice, and the girls gathering info for the investigation, they regrouped.

 

"So, what did you get off of the members of The Hunters?" Naru asked.

"We found out that it started during the beginning of this month. They aren't sure what could have started it, but it seems to be haunting all of the members, not just one individually. Therefore, it can't be because of a cursed item that one has on possession," Masako summarized. 

"Does any of them recognize the melody to the song that plays?" Takigawa asked. 

"None of them could place the tune, no," Mai responded.

"Do you think that they could repeat the tune for us? We are all widely versed in music taste, right? It could give us a clue to who or what is behind this," John spoke up. 

"We'll ask them tomorrow. But, how did practice go?" Ayako asked them. She knew this was going to be good. Takigawa, never to let Ayako win at anything, confidently walked over to start the track.

"Prepare for us to blow your mind, firecrotch," he taunted her. She growled at the nickname, but took out her phone for future blackmail. When the melody for 'What Makes You Beautiful' started playing, she knew she wouldn't be disappointed. 

They performed the song like they had practiced and, much to the shock for Ayako, they slayed it. 

"I told you we were fucking awesome, Babe," Takigawa gloated. "Now how about you give Daddy D a kiss in congratulations?" Ayako snorted at the nickname. Masako looked disgusted, and Mai didn't get it.

"Please don't ever call yourself that again, I'll divorce you," Ayako responded. 

"Is it really that bad?" Takigawa asked, offended.

"It makes you sound like a cheap male gigolo," Masako piped up. Mai gagged, finally getting it. 

"Told you," Lin told him, he really did. 

"Wait, Naru, I didn't hear you singing. Was your mic not working?" Mai asked. Naru never wanted to fire her more than he did right now.

"Now that you mention it, I didn't hear you either," Takigawa mentioned. 

"Shut up, Daddy D. I was definitely singing, you just can't hear me. Must be getting old," Naru shot back, the lie coming easily.

"I couldn't hear you," John spoke up. Damn it, cinnamon roll, shut the fuck up, Naru thought. This was only going to continue though, so he decided to grudgingly tell the truth. With a sigh, he told them.

"I can't sing," he mumbled hurriedly, spitting it out almost faster than John rapping.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Masako asked him.

"I said, I can't sing!" Naru shouted, frustrated. 

"Oh come on, you can't be that bad, Naru," Mai replied optimistically. In her opinion, she bet Naru had the voice of an angel. She was sure of it.

Naru hated this. He hated being put in the spotlight. 

"Come on Naru, we won't judge you! I bet you're pretty good," Takigawa amended, trying to comfort him.

"I really don't think I should," Naru insisted. 

"Please?" Mai asked, making the same face she did earlier. Naru really needed to get that girl some Miralax, he thought. Sighing, he decided he should at least humor the girl. She must be in pain, after all. Her face said it all.

Sighing, he put the mic up to his mouth.

"Anyways, here's Wonderwall," he said.

He stumbled his way through the first verse, and looked up. He was met with many shocked and cringing faces. 

"See? I told you I can't sing," he told them.

"What happens when you have a solo though?" Mai asked.

"It won't happen," he said. He would not sing. 

"We could auto tune you! It's what all the cool celebrities are doing nowadays!" Yasuhara suggested excitedly.

"Dude, no. That's worse," Takigawa disagrees with horror on his face.

"Well, I have to be up there. There are no other men," Naru stated bitterly. 

"I have an idea," Masako chimed in, a small smirk on her face.

"If you have a suggestion, I am more than happy to hear it," Naru replied. Anything to get him out of this, he thought.

"Mai could cross dress," she told them.

"Oh hell no," Mai exclaimed, shaking her head. She was a girl, a pretty girl. It would never work, she was sure. She knew her feminine figure flattered Naru, so it obviously wouldn't work, right?

"It could work," Naru replied. 

"What?!?" Mai squeaked.

"Well, you have short hair and the guys in a boy band sound girly anyways. It could work," Naru explained. 

"Do I have no say in this?" Mai asked them. This really didn't seem like it would work.

"Nope, anything you sing will be automatically better than me," Naru replied with a smile. 

"Whoo! Welcome to the band, Casanova! We'll make you such a hot guy that girls will be throwing their panties at you!" Takigawa cheered. Mai paled and looked horrified. 

Mai was doomed.

 

—————————-

 

Mai had to say, she'd make a hot dude. She had to draw the line on the romper though, that was so gay that it hurts her to even think about. 

Walking out of the dressing room, she could see all of the shocked faces. Naru was pleased, John was shocked, Yasu was excited, Masako was blushing, and Lin looked the same. Wait. Masako was blushing?

"Hey cunt, why is your face red? Did you crop dust in front of Naru or something?" Mai asked.

"S-Shut up! I totally didn't do that," she said, becoming even redder. 

"OOOOOHHHHHH SHIT GIRL, YOU GOT A CRUSH!" Yasu squealed.

"Oh shit, I know I'm hot like this, but no need to drop ya pants. Does this mean you're giving up on Naru?" Mai smirked.

"Shut the fuck up, I still love Naru," Masako stated, looking away.

"Are you sure? I'll kiss you right now if you do, even if I'm straight," Mai bargained. Shit, that's totally worth it, Mai thought. Even despite her no tolerance for cunts.

"Stop being a dick, I'm not kissing you," Masako rejected immediately.

"Well, you are what you eat," Mai said with a shrug. Maybe Masako was secretly gay, that had to be it, Mai was sure.

"Anyways! Mai, are you ready to slay?" Taka asked. 

"Slay? That's it, I'm signing the divorce papers," Ayako chimed in.

\--------------------------------

"Okay, before I sing for y'all, can you get me a milkshake?" Mai asked suddenly.

"Oh, here you go sweetie," Yasu said.

"I have so many questions." The Cinnamon Roll said in awe. 

"Why do you need a milkshake?" Masako questioned the idiot girl. Mai smirked.

"mY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE CUNTS TO THE YARD," Mai sang, causing the room to erupt into cheers.

"Are you STILL FUCKING ON THAT? GET OVER YOURSELF," Masako screamed.

"Nah, nope. I got more," Mai stated. 

Suddenly the music for I Think She Likes Girls by Metro Station comes on. Mai sang the chorus, beautifully. Naru had to admit, maybe Mai was good for something, even if that something was cross dressing and join in a boy band so he didn't have to. 

 

"Are you guys ready for the final song of me audition?" Mai yelled, trying to excite the room.

"FUCK YEAH I AM," John screamed in hype. Everyone got silent, and just stared at the small priest.

"What? I'm pumped up," John said with a pout. 

"Anyways, THIS ONE IS FOR NARU," Mai shouted, going to Masako and kissing her. Mai needed a breath mint for that, but no more Naru for Masako. Masako was shocked, but if you weren't focused on her, you could see Yasu squealing and saying 'YAS GIRL'. 

'This is exactly why his mother cried,' Lin stated in remorse. 

"Now stay the HELL AWAY FROM MY NARU," Mai screamed, going into her final song.

"I KISSED A CUNT AND I HATE IT," Mai crooned.

Naru was pleased that Mai would take his place. He could be her Naru if she continues being the bait instead of him.

\-------------------

Practicing after the replacement of Naru went without a hitch. Naru was even confident that they could convince a ghost. 

Now was the time that they would prove it, though. The Hunted's concert was in an hour.

It was when they were doing the stage check, that things started getting weird. 

At first it was fine.

And then something pushed Taka off the edge of the stage.

"Oh shit, my ghost senses are tingling," Mai informed them.

"Oh really? What makes you think that?" Naru asked her dryly.

"I felt it," Mai responded. Naru facepalmed.

"I've fallen and I can't get up!" Taka yelled in agony. "I need wife alert."

Ayako threw the signed divorce papers at him.

Naru was screwed. He just lost the only actual musician out of the group, and now he knew he had to fill in. The show must go on.

"Come on guys. We'll just switch the main lineup. Mai, you take Taka's place, and I'll go to my position fake singing," Naru told them. 

"OKAY! LET'S GO OUT THERE AND DROP SOME PANTIES AND SNATCH SOME WIGS, BITCHES!" Yasu screamed. The rest cheered in agreement.

'Yasuhara will not drop panties,' Lin decided then. 'He will drop his own boxers for a man instead, because that was the gayest battle cry ever.'

 

\------------------------

"Ladies and gentleman, The Hunted!" The announcer introduced them.

They were doing great, and even Naru had to give them props. They were, in fact, metaphorically dropping the panties. The most ironic was Mai. She winked, and all of the girls went crazy. Mai was a real heartbreaker, that's for sure. 

Then the ghost fucker decided to show up.

 

————————

 

It was all fine and dandy before the ghost fucker arrived.

Mai was snatching wigs and dropping panties. Lin was having a love session on his keyboard. John was spitting more fire than Natsu Dragneel. Naru personally didn't know who that was, but he felt a connection when he heard that name from Ayako when she described John as such earlier. 

Then Ghost fucker decided to show up. And of fucking course, it went for Mai first. 

It tripped her, and she got a concussion. Naru was not shocked, he just sighed. 

"I have to beat this ghost! I'm the main character for Christ's sake! Naru can't always save me," Mai told herself. 'Think Mai, think. How do you kill a music ghost?' Then Mai knew what she had to do.

Mai slowly raised the mic to her lips. It was time.

"IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOUUUUUUUUUU" Mai screamed the lyrics to Africa by Toto. It seemed to waver the ghost's spirit, but it didn't diminish it. She would have to try a harder attack. 

"I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVEEEEEEEE, THAT PLANET EARTH TURNS SLOWLY," Mai decided to try Fireflies by Owl City. It wasn't enough. It was time for the ultimate attack.

"SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS TRYING TO-" That's all Mai was able to sing before being knocked out cold by the ghost. 

Naru knew it had to be serious if All Star wasn't enough. 

"Yasu, keep singing! I don't care what, but keep going until we find away to get rid of this thing!" Naru screamed.

Yasuhara started to sing We Are Number One, by the legend himself, Robbie Rotten. 

The ghost was angered by this, and that's when Yasu knew he fucked up. The ghost whispered into his ear about the death of the legend, causing Yasu to get so triggered that he feinted.

Lin was next. Lin knew he was a legendary duo with his beautiful baby, the keyboard. He knew her like the back of his hand. He pulled out his all out attack. He started playing the Mii Channel song. The ghost must not have liked the Wii, as it destroyed Lin's Keyboard. Lin felt his soul leave his body, and for once, Lin showed true emotion. He was so distraught that he could focus on the ghost anymore. He lost his other half. Who was Lin without his keyboard? 

Naru knew he needed to regroup now. It was only himself, John, and Ayako now. Masako was useless, and has been since Mai kissed her. She was in a gay panic, and Naru wasn't sure if she'd ever wake up. It didn't bother him either way.

"Ayako, you've not done anything this entire mission except get divorced. Do you think you know who the ghost is?" Naru asked her.

"I have a hunch, but I need John to rap in order to be sure," she answered seriously. 

"Are you sure we have to risk John? He's the only other one left," Naru retorted grimly.

"There is no other option, it has to be this way," Ayako said in return.

John took a deep breath, and released the fire he had in him. 

He was spitting literal fire by choosing to rap God's Plan. 

The ghost seemed to calm down at this, liking the priest's skill.

"Ayako, did you reach a conclusion?" Naru questioned. 

"I have, it's Tupac. He was haunting The Hunted because they were a disgrace to all men who make music," Ayako stated. John was shocked. That was the rapper that taught him everything. He couldn't exorcise his idol. He couldn't rap anymore, the fire was dimmed. They lost John. 

"Ayako, check on our teammates, and protect them from further harm," Naru told the redhead. 

"Are you sure you can take him by yourself?" She asked in return. He just scoffed at her. Of fucking course he could do it himself. They didn't call him Naru for no reason. 

 

"Alright Tupac, it's time to return you to Biggie," Naru yelled. That was the unforgivable comment. Naru could hear a faint melody, and he knew what tune was playing. Why? He was fucking British. Naru knew how to beat Tupac.

He grabbed the microphone that was laying on the ground next to an unconscious Mai. He knew he couldn't sing, but he had to try. This was his only option. 

He took a breath, and sang at the top of his lungs.

"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN. NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU!" Naru screeched terribly. It worked though. The ghost vanished.

 

\--------------

8 years later

 

".......And that was the story of how your dad vanquished the ghost of Tupac with the Rick Roll," Mai told her son Gene, who was falling asleep. With a kiss on his forehead, she left the room to find Naru on the couch.

"Hey love, what story did you tell him tonight?" Naru asked his wife. Mai giggled.

"Oh nothing interesting, I just told him the story of Yasu finally getting disowned in his senior year because of MLP," Mai said, with a wink.

 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank you all for reading this gay work I decided to write. I would also like to thank my best friend for giving me the idea. I swear I’m not on drugs. Lin + Keyboard= OTP, because he is always on that damn computer anyways. I hope this gave you a chuckle, but even if it didn’t, it gave my gayself a great one. 
> 
> With love, 
> 
> Author-nim.


End file.
